WTF is Fairy Tail On?
by simsgal
Summary: A bunch of oneshots or even small canons that are a parody of Fairy Tail. I will be covering most cliches like the Mary Sue, Lisanna is being a bully, Lucy quits, A new Dragon slayer, and more. Rated T for language. This is a parody, please support the official release idk they always say that for abridges so yeah check it out Zeref approves
1. Chapter 1

WTF IS FAIRYTAIL ON?

**By simsgal**

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**CHAPTER ONE idk MARY SUE CHAPTER sure yeah**

It was a quiet day in Fairytail. Knotsu and Grae were at eachothers throats again and Gooviya (pronounced Joo-via) was admiring from afar. Loosy was at the bar and Levee was reading a good book titled _Fifty Shades of Mage. _Gosheel was eating iron while doing pushups and lifting his cat, PantryDaisy on his back. Mirrorjane was wiping down the bar, silently humming a death chant. A door slam was heard and a beautiful girl stepped out of Master Moporoff's office. Grae and Knotsu and just about every guy in the guild turned to gawk at her.

She had long, dark brown wavy hair down to her knees, and porcelain skin her body was slim yet she had ample breasts and a nice butt her left eye was blue and strangely the right was green she wore a white short sleeve crop top with a leather pocket black high wasted leather shorts leather fingerless gloves and black leather combat boots her lips were in a frown, because of reasons no one knew yet. Suddenly Grae tried to walk over to her but Knotsu used his magic so he could go over instead.

_Knot Dragon Slayer Magic: BOWTIE!_

Grae was tied up quickly and dropped to the ground as Knotsu dashed over checked out the girl.

"Hey bitch I'm Natsu what your name?" he asked as she smiled.

" Jamie Hikari Sentia Katsumi Mayama Katyaka Hina Madusiko Satoshi. I really like guild it nice." She said loking around. "I glad I can join."

"Ur really pretty Jame Hikari Sentia Katsumi HOLY HELL YOU HAVE A LONG NAME" Knotsu said while gasping for air.

"Not as pritty as all the girls in the intire gild." She said lucking at Conna, Loosy, Gooviya, Mirrorjane, and erry1 else. Loosy smiled.

"Wow, ur really nice Jamie Hikari Sentia Katsumi okay f*ck this shit I'm calling you Mary Sue." She said while walking over from the bar. No one could believe how nice she was.

"I'm glad we're all best frins- thanks for lettin me join teem knotsu." She said jumping for joy.

"OKAY GUISE LETS GO ON A JOB—GRAE, KNOTSU, LOOSY, CHEERY, AND JAMIE HIKARI SENTIA KATSUME MAYAMA KATYAKA HINA MADUSIKO SATOSHI!" Airzah screamed as they all ran out to do a job.

They had to ride in carrije to get to evil gild to fite. Knotsu had got over moshun sick so Jamie sat in his lap giggle. Loosy wus so jelly steam was coming out of her ears. Airzuh was enjoy sum strawberry cake when she luk over to Jamie.

"Jamie—do u want my strawberry cake? You can have it I don wunt it." She said and Jamie gasped. She tuk cek and ate it really fast and she gain no weight at all.

When they got to the place Jamie gasped.

"I kno this place guise." She said beginning to sob.

_I must git revenj on him _she thought angrily as her eyes turned dark red.

Every1 was KO'd except fot Jamie Hikaria Sentia Katsumi Mayama Katyaka Mayama Madusiko Satashi. She was laying in the ground, her har cuver eyes as she stood up.

"wut majick u even do ur a weakling u know dat?" sed an eveil guyy "Tbh I rather take pics of ur butt not kick it." She snarled and wiped the blood from her nose.

"I tried to hold back but im finish."

_CLONE MAGIC: DOUBLE!_

Jamie smirk bc there was 2 of her. The guys mouth dropped as his eyes turned to hearts and he got a nose bleed bc there were 2 Jamies. Suddenlt, both joined hands.

_UNISON RAID!_

Even tho it was really hard for sum1 to do a unisun rayed she did it as a bright beam blind eveil guise and blew up entire guild except for Airzuh, Loosy, Grae, and Knotsu and Cheery. She then smiled and and went to her best friends.

"gud job mary. That was amazing." Loosy said chuckling.

"how are we get 2 gild?" grae said wincng at the immense pain in his ribs bc they were broken. Jamie noticed and gasped running over to him. she then kneeled over him and a blue magic circle appeared above his chest.

_WIND MAGIC: HEAL!_

She began to heal grae rilly fast bc she could use 2 magic.

"All better." She said standing up as he hugged her, aso stand up.

"thx." Knotsu's head got big and he got a red thingy in corner of hed.

"HOW WE GET BAK 2 GILD?" Jamie had a great idea. She dragged erry1 close and close eyes.

_TELEPORT MAGIC: FAIRY TAIL GUILD_

and in flash they were bak at guild and on the floor. They all stood up, and jamie healed them all but did not run out majick pwr. Airzuh was so amazed she walk over and pressed jamie head to her armur wit thud.

"ur amazing jamie, what is ur majick?" jamie eye turned lite blue as she begin to cry.

"well it curse frum witch put on me when I was a bby. She said when I get older I'd be uhlee af and fat bc I am ugly and fat." Airzuh gasped.

"NO UR NOT STFU UR BEAUTIFUL DON'T U KNOW THAT UR PERF LIKE I S2G" she said as she comfort jamie.

"yeah jamie ur our bff for life." Jamie smiled, erryone was being so nice on her first day.

"I do majick majick." Master eye widen.

"MAJICK MAJICK? HOLY SH*T BITCH!" he said as his eyes got big.

"it when I do all majick in world ever invented." Master smirked.

"Only one person in the entire world can do majick majick." Jamie blushed lookin down.

"dat me." She beamed. "I do ice, fire, knot, loose , air, wind, con, god slayer, dragon slayer, universe slayer, all script, art, writing, reading, breathing, eating singing, making ppl fall in luv wit me magic. I do soap magic, draw majik, orlando majik, and I do all other majik." She then put her face down.

"only magic I cant do is mary sue magic im so weak, I bet is suck." She began yo scream cry .

"no u stronk jamie." Suddenly a bang was herd err1 ran out and saw attak frum evil gild. Wif a blast everry1 was KO'd essept for jamie who blok attack with nullify majick and then she began fly with aero majick. She then used god slayer magick to kill everyone with a single kick and her outfits also transfrom with diff majick so now she wore a light blue long sleeve shir wit rip on side white booty short and her hair became bright blonde woth blue streaks and her eyes turned gold and her feet were bare she wore a gold cape had a glowing gold aura. She went back downt to ground and heal everybody and still had magick power. Everyone thank her and they all went back inside for ceremony.

" I say something important." Master says smiling.

"jamie is s class wizurd now even tho it her furst day." Everyone clapped and cheered for her as she cry tears of joy.

"but why—I bad at majick." Knotsu came up behind her n smack her but then smile mischeiously.

"no ur great u save world good job jamie." They were about to kiss when suddenly Zeref ran in.

"NO GOD DAMMIT SHE IS A F*CKING MARY SUE STOP IT RIGHT NOW I S2G I WILL END YOU WTF WHY DO YOU ALL TALK LIKE FOOLS DO YOU EVEN GRAMMAR IN THE NAME OF FANFICTION CUT THIS SHIT OUT RIGHT THE F*CK NOW OR I WILL SUMMON ACNOLOGIA ON UR SAGGY ASSES." He said while getting a dark ball of majick In hand. He then threw it at jamie and she cud not dodge but knotsu got in the way and die for her as she cried.

"KNOTSU NOOO!" she then power up and got mad .

"No sorry bitch." Zeref said as he threw another dark orb of darkness at her it her her she died painfully the end.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 LISANNA THE B*TCH AND OTHER STUFF chapter yeah **

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**Loosy's Point of View**

I was just sitting in the guild minding my business like I always do when Listanna walked up to me. Scowling, she poured my drink all over my white mini-skirt.

"OH LOOK, LOOSY ON PERIOD HAHA!" she snickered while everyone else laughed at me. I sat there and did nothing as tears welled in my eyes. Knotsu came up and put his arm around Listana smiling.

"Dam I misst u Listana." They theh began make out as I stood up.

"WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A BIATCH?" Listana pulled away and pushed me against the bar.

"U was just a replacement for me bitch u aint on my level." Listana said smacking Loosy. "Ur a slut and the only reason ppl wanted u here was 4 fanservice." I began to sob and dropped to ground. Grae, Airzuh, Conna, Gooviya and erry1 else beegin 2 laff as I cry.

"Listana telin the truf. No 1 want u here Loosy u just cheep replesmint." Conna says as she drink more wine.

"Uhlee slut."

"Thot."

"Mini-skirt floosy." Listana beamed.

"I KNO LET CALL HER FLOOSY LOOSY HAHAHA!" every1 began chanting the name as I ran out of the guild crying. I ran into my home and gasp as Listana in my kitchen talk to all my spirits. She tell them mean secret and I cry more bc she's so mean ppl never told me she was so mean. I wus not tryna replace her just be friend of Knotsu.

Back at gild tomorrow I happy bc Listana not here yet. I drink in peese wearing black mini skurt n wite tank top and listen to erry1 around talk about me. Ever since Listana came back frum Crapdolas ppl were mean bc of her. Every day she be mean n she bully me she such bitch! I cringed as I heard door slam open and I hurd crool laugh. I turn arund see Listanna and Knotsu and Airzuh and Grae.

"That was great job guise." I approached them.

"U not invite me guise..?" they all look around.

"I'm srry did u hear sumn?" listana says looking rite past me. Knotsu pull Listana closer as I gulp.

"ur weak loosy, listana much better she actually help fite." Airzuh said smirking.

"ur just a D.I.D." Grae added crossing his arms.

"DOG IN DISTRESS!" every1 burst out laughing as I got angry.

"STOP Y EVERY1 SO MEAN 2 ME?!"

"YOU MAKE GILD WEAK"

"WITHOUT KEYS U USELESS."

As ppl said dis to me I frowned at them and began to walk out guild.

I went home.

**AT GUILD**

Conna sat drink beer.

"Why we so meen to Loosy anyway? She help me in S class exam."

"That didn't happen yet Conna we not at that chapter." Shelfman said as she looked around nervously and sweat drop really big,

"idk listana returning triggered some sort of fanfiction revelation."

"what type?"

"for sum reason before she go to crapdolas she wus all nice but now she a bitch idk why." Conna added thinking. Listana climbed up on a table and smirked.

"SEE" she yell clapping. "NOW WIT LOOSY GON WE CUN BE STRONK AAGAIN SHE WEEK WE DON'T NEED HER I BACK!" Knotsu punch job request bord.

"SHUT UP LISTANA!" Listana got wide eyed.

"Kn-Knotsu.. wat wrong?" Natsu glared out her.

"BITCH DON'T TALK ABOUT MY BFF LIKE THAT WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU UR SO FAKE YOU KNOW THAT LISTANA OMFG WHAT ARE YOU EVEN" Knotsu began b4 compose himself.

"y u defend floosy loosy?" listana said raising eyebrow get scared.

"Bc.. bc… LOOSY MY BFF OKAY, SHE MY BEST FRAN SHE NOT WEAK AND SHE GOT NICE BODY OK U USED TO BE MY BFF WELL GESS WUT NOW UR REPLACED." Airzuh also stood up on the tebl.

"KNOTSU IS RIGHT! HOW MANY OF U HAVE BEEN PERSONALLY VICTIMIZED BY LISTANA STRAWS?" she asked. Erry1 raised hand and nod at eachother.

"KNOTSU IS NOT DA BABY DADDY ANYWAY!" Knotsu got off the table and danced and shit and was happy he wasn't the baby daddy.

"MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN UR FAVOR, KATNISS!"

"WHO THE HELL IS KATNISS WRONG FANFICTION WTF ARE U TYPING?" (author: oh sorry lemme just DEAL WITH IT)

Listana began cry bc ppl be mean to her.

"y u so meen 2 loosy?" mirrorjane ask putting her hand on her shoulder.

"bc.. I feel like after I fake die she replace me and I fell like ppl like her better and that she prittier and idk why im being so mean tbh its like theres this site called fanfiction and like on there ppl make me really mean to her."

"GROOVIA!"

"KNOLOO!"

"JAIRZUH!"

"wut are dat?" Conna stud up smile.

"on fanfiction ppl do thing called ship who ppl date." They all nodded. Suddenly loosy came in and her tears gone. She had a macbook and starbucks and was wear leggings and hollister hoodie wit hair in topknot.

"listana rite on fanfiction ppl make listana really mean 2 me." They read sum and Gosheel and Levee widen eye.

"WTF IS THIS?" they say read M rated GajeelxLevy fanfic.

"OH GOD WHY?" they say look at many much more m rated fanfic. Listana gasped bc ppl ship knotsu and loosy instead knotsu n listana. She began to cry.

_TAKEOVER: GIANT BIRD THING!_

She became giant bird thing and rip out loosy ovaries and then fly away as loosy shrivel up on ground bleeding to death. Everyone was so busy read fanfiction they ignore loosy as she bleed more and more.

Listana came bak as human n smile at Loosy.

"U will not have knotsu babies now I will." She smile at loosy and step on her neck and then she ran over to knotsu leaned on his arm loosy bled to deff the end.


	3. Chapter 3

WTF is Fairytail On?!

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**Chapter 3- Fairy Tail in da hood part 1**

**Hey y'all welcome to the first mini-canon: Fairytail in da hood! In case you do not know what the hood is for some unknown reason, it means the ghetto areas of town where theres lots of gang violence and drugs and f*ck it just google it. Due to the theme of the chapter (hood, ghetto, black people like myself ;P) I will be using some black terms as well as "the n word" starred out.**

Knotsu wakes up and search for his phone on bed. That bitch was ringin real loud and he wanted it to stop. He found it and knocked Levy off his bed because she was on top of it. He knocked Listana off too for da helluvit. He answered da phone and coughed.

"What you want n****? I'm busy bruh." He say smacking Conna ass as she laughs and drinks more Ciroc off da nighstand.

"Bruh u needa get down here to Maury." Grae said on da otha end b4 putting out a roll.

"Wtf why n**** I aint you babymama tf?" Grae groaned.

"Man u gay I didn't say dat shit—just hurry Loosy on some bad shit down here." He hung up as Knotsu groaned and get outta bed.

"Damn, Grae a gay facedass sucka he know dat or nah?" he hopped in da shower and rapped some lil boosie while he lathered his hair, it aint pink doe its salmon cuh salmon manly doe; he got on and threw on a black t-shirt, cargo shorts, and fresh new kds because he stay looking clean. He was bout to dip when he froze in his tracks.

"AY I WANT ALL Y'ALL HO'S OUT MY HOUSE WHEN I GET BACK YA HEAR?!" he shouted b4 slammin the door.

Knotsu lived in da worst part of da ghetto—Magnolia. Dere was crime errwhere, people stealing, and drive bys. But no one even touched ya boy because he was part of da best gang on da block—Fairy Tail.

Fairytail was ran by a crime boss named Moporoff Drier, an old guy yet he knew his stuff bout da money, da good, and do hos.

But dat aint important right now wuts important is dat Knotsu gotta go down to Maury because of his ex girl Loosy but he don't know it yet I'm finna not tell him either he gon be so shocked facedassed ahaha anyway so he walkindown the block, getting looks from cats and sizes from fine girls.

He turned da corner noddin at some his homiez and den finally got to the Maury studio. He walked in like he owned dat bitch and came through da audience and climbed up on the stage and he saw his ex Loosy. She was lookin fine tho, in a mini skirt and pink tube top. He sat in da chair next hers, and nodded at her as she huffed and rolled her eyes. He shook it off. Maury shook his head.

"Foo why didn't you come from backstage?" he asked lookin at Knotsu like he was stupid.

"Because you ain't my moms bruh." Knotsu said before crossing his arms behind his head and leaning back. "AY GIRL,YEAH YOU COME GIMME A FOOTRUB BRUH" da girl listended as Knotsu signaled Maury to continue.

"So, Loosy, you here 2day because you try to keep tellin Knotsu dat little KnoLoosa is his baby?" Loosy nodded fast.

"Maury I know Knotsu da daddy!" Knotsu shot up.

"OH UH UH THOT WATCH OUT CUUUH DON'T PLAY DAT IS NOT MY BABY!" he said as everyone booed him. A picture of KnoLoosa was put on da screen behind them. Loosy got up and went over to it.

"SEE MAURY DAT BABY LOOK JUST LIKE KNOTSU SHE GOT HIS EYEBROWS! AND HIS CHIN LOOK!" KnoLoosa had black hair and green eyes. The crowd clapped and agreed as Knotsu sucked his teeth.

"Bruh you kidding me dat ain't my chin girl you trippin mane." He said before slouching down in his seat." Maury chuckled.

"Well, we gon take a lie detector test and sh*t and see if you lyin my n****, right after da break y'all" the recording light went off and they pulled Knotsu backstage for a Lie detector test. He sat in a room and hooked him up to da machine.

"So Knotsu, you ever been wit more den one woman at once?" Knotsu scoffed.

"Ya foo! I am a playa I pull left and right left and right." The man nodded.

"Knotsu, do you think Loosy was cheating on you in da relationship?" Knotsu suddenly got heartfelt.

"Actually bruh, I think Loosy a real nice girl. She would never do nothin like dat. She caring, funny, and not a hoe at all. I really loved her but you know things change, like the sunset." The man squinted at Knotsu.

"Bruh, you gay." He said before pulling him back onstage. They swabbed his ear real quick and dey left to test it. Loosy walked up to Knotsu as the cameras went rolling again.

"Knotsu I hope you know dat baby yours, she look JUST like you n****!" she said rolling her neck.

"No it aint I swear I wrap it up you just tryna get some jewels bruh."

"You a broke foo shut up." She said laughing as the crowd did too and clapped.

"AHEM YALL SHUT THE F*CK UP AND SIT DOWN now we got da results bak just now dat quick. We took a lie test and da first question was has knotsu ever had 2 girls at once. He said ya and that was true." The crowd gasped and Loosy glared at him as he shrugged. "We also ask did her think loosy was cheating. He said no, but da answer is yes she a ho man just look at her but we gon say you wrong just because, knotsu said yes he did believe she was cheatin" everyone gasped as Maury opened da DNA test. Der was a drumroll.

"He da daddy he da daddy he da daddy." Loosy said as he read it.

"KNOTSU.., YOU ARE NOT THE DADDY!" Knotsu got up and flipped off errbody.

"AAAYYYY I TOLD YOU MY N*****! TOLD U U SALTY OR NAAAAHHHHHH" he then began to Nae nae. "HUUAAAAHHH!" he said as he laugh in Loosy face.

Loosy begin cry and ran back stage sobbing real loud.

"B-b-b-bruh he t-t-t-to ser-serios mane!" she said sobbing. Knotsu jumped off the stage and then walked out the studio. He was done wit dat sh*t. He went to grab himself some Mickey D's and then go look at fine honeys wit Grae and Gosheel.

**So yeah. Good for Natsu I guess. No child support for him! But I wonder who's baby it was… hmmm…**


End file.
